Cougar wedding gone bad

I've been off the grid for a little bit, but haven't stopped cougaring. First I'd like to give a cougar shout-out to my sister who just met a guy 12 years younger who she seems to really dig and the chemistry is off the charts (way to go sis!). On a more somber note, my other sister's July 4th wedding has been cancelled. She was scheduled to marry a guy, with whom she has a child, who is around 7 years younger. Although this sister and I are not on speaking terms, I truly do feel for her as it was her fiance who called off the wedding and this would have been her first marriage. Now, I believe it is a good thing because these two have had a pretty rocky, explosive relationship throughout, but I would rather be the leaver than the leave-ee any day plus twice on Sunday. One of their many problems, in my assessment, was my sister's determination to force this guy into a committed relationship. I really think people have to come together of their own free will. It should be a steady, naturally progressive process. Now I'm not saying she got pregnant on purpose, but that certainly raised the stakes in her quest to become a wife. It also got me to thinking about the challenges a cougar faces with her romantic choices. Times with the friend-boy are fun, exciting, and endearing, but when I think of a potential long-term commitment with him, I must admit I find the prospect a bit frightening. Especially when I factor in my kids. My son, in particular, needs a solid, emotionally healthy and stable role-model. He will need more than someone to play Playstation 3 with him; he will need someone who can help guide him along the twisty path to manhood or at least won't detour him. Yes, I can let the good times roll, but ultimately there's more than just my needs to consider.

Love and Lust

A few other ladies and I are preparing for my sister's bridal shower tomorrow. At first I was pretty blase, but now I'm kind of getting into it. Because we'd like to be respectful of my mother and our aunts, we'd like to do something moderately racy. I suggested erotic poetry rather than some lean, muscled man-stripper (as much as I'd like this). Today I started searching the net and asked my director (he's cool) if he knew any good sites where I could pull material. This led to a discussion about whether love and lust can co-exist. Apparently he doesn't believe they can, but I do. To a lot of men they are completely separate things. Maybe I am just not getting it. I know that whenever friend-boy and I have "quality time" I am always aware on some level of my feelings for him even though there's a heap of carnality in my mind. I just assumed this was true of him also. I'm feeling some disappointment because this doesn't bode well for a long-term, committed relationship. I did not have love and lust with my husband, but I always thought it was possible. If there's the potential that it's going to be a one-sided thing then that makes me feel like I shouldn't even set my sights that high.

Fashionistas in Manhattan

Sex and This City

Last night a group of my girlfriends and I went to check out Carrie and the crew. I was a big fan of the show and got the "closure" I needed from the movie. There were 7 of us in all replete with cougar cubs, adolescent pumas, and full-grown cougars. One is even expecting a kitten soon. We are different ages, are in different professions, and come from different backgrounds, but share the common denominator of being single and navigating the rocky Atlanta relationship terrain. Like Carrie and like it or not, we ultimately are looking for an exlcusive, committed relationship. That may or may not mean marriage, but we all would like to find our "penguin" as I like to call it. I have seen many definitions of cougars. The most unflattering is that of a woman in her 40's-60's who dresses skanky, smokes, drinks a lot, and is on the prowl for younger men purely for sexual conquest. This is most definitely not me. I suppose what does draw me toward younger guys is a youthful spirit. I love their energy and enthusiasm. I like how they like to get out and do things and don't whine about being tired all the time. I like how they're less judgmental and more accepting. All that said, there is still the matter of how to go from fun times to a lifetime. I guess, and this would be true of any man no matter his age, it's just a matter of one day at a time plus at this age I've dropped all the fantasies. There are no more white horses, no more knights in shining armor, I backed my car into and over the white picket fence and I'm much happier for it.

The #1 Age-Defying Secret

I grabbed the title of this post from the June 2008 issue of Prevention magazine. The title, not suprisingly, grabbed my interest. I found the article in the periodical and it's all about dyeing hair. Now, I sort of always thought I would let my hair age gracefully, but grays are starting to become noticeable in my majority-dark mane. One night about a month ago when I was hanging out with the friend-boy, he noticed a silver strand and called it "sexy". Maybe one is, but I started to think that maybe a whole headful of them might not be as alluring. Then a couple of weeks ago when I was on the phone with same, my son came in the room and after some up-close inspection pointed out grays and declared, rather loudly, "Mommy, you're getting old". Friend-boy tried to pretend he hadn't heard. I thought that was nice of him. Anyway it got me to thinking that maybe I should take the plunge. The article gave several options. The one I'm leaning toward the most is a multi-tonal dye which will deepen my dark strands and "wash the grays into lighter glints". For my touch of gray, the article recommended a demi-permanent dye. Those with more than 40% should go perm. Other options include highlights which "make eyes look brighter and give skin a healthy glow." Glossing was mentioned also which intensifies fading shades. So I guess I'll be visiting my trusted stylist soon. I'll post the results.

My future bike?

Back from the Beach

It's Tuesday and I'm back at work a little less stressed. I had a good time on my trip. I almost thought I wasn't going because my friend-boy was not feeling the love this year at Myrtle Beach's Bike week. Apparently the police were cracking down quite a bit more at this year's event. His fellow club members, however, talked him into staying and I left Saturday afternoon. When I arrived, the strip was crawling with cars and bikes from several different states. I quickly learned to drive a lot more aggressively than the usual dog-eat-dog fashion of Atlanta traffic. I finally made my way to the hotel and he asked me if I wanted to ride. I was like, "Sure!" Especially since this was my first time ever on a motorcycle. The sights of complete partydom filled all my senses. All seemed to be having a good time. The next day I donned my short-shorts (which made me look like a nun next to many of the scantily-clad girls there) and again took the seat behind the master of the machine. Man, what a turn-on this was! And I can totally see how riding can become addictive. I've never experienced anything quite like it. The weather was perfect and when he opened it up there was just wind and speed (plus we weren't wearing helmets so there was the element of danger going on as well). I loved it and I think I might have to get me one of those. Anyway, he was a great host despite his dampened enthusiasm. What I didn't like about the weekend was having my picture taken without permission by random men. It felt creepy like they were stealing from me in some way. On the other hand, I was a bit flattered by the stroking of my ego. I was both fascinated and appalled by the many ways men think of to objectify women and how these same women go along with it willingly and in many cases, encourage it.